Lies Lies Lies

They all lie lie lie! See what the actual problem is, is that no one tells the full truth. Or rather, most tell their version of the truth which is still a lie. I shall give you are an example and then you will realize that these people are surrounding us. I, in fact, am one of them. Except I will say this is what actually happened, but this version is the much more amusing and funnier one. So that those who are listening know that the truth is there, I am just making it more commercial and entertaining for comic relief.

Its a simple, yet complicated fact that everyone lies. So lets discuss today's liar liar pants on fire.

Dear man who visited my place of business;

We are not that type of environment, we do not issue happy endings. And we did not tell you that over the phone. Contrary to popular belief a PROPER massage establishment does not allow you to "pick your girl" nor do we offer different "endings".

Please work your issues out elsewhere.

Regards;
Me.

Obsessive Complusive

Dog hair everywhere. In places it didnt know existed. I suggest buying stock in swiffer as I swiffer about 2 times a day. I cannot stand dog hair everywhere! Then the doggies eat twigs. Long twigs. They chew and chew and chew on the sticks and then clearly need to throw them up. All over my house. Stupid bloody twigs. Im going to shave my dogs. And then teach them how to swiffer.

True STORY!

Viva LAS VEGAS

Most of this story will not contain actual events, only false senses of reality and blurry and untrue pieces of memory.

Fact: Vegas was visited within the last month.
Blurry vision synopsis:
We arrived. Some conquered all that was in thier path. Remanents were left to prove such conquering actually happened. Gambling? No time. Too busy consuming massive amounts of expensive alcohol and watching the insantiy ensure before us. Shows? No way! When fun drinks and fabulous shoes are before you, you must embrace the free champagne that allows you to gawk at Steve Wynn and his very young pretty female counterpart. Funny costumes by staff at the Wynn? YES. Its apprent that his lack of sight has allowed him to create a marvelous and splendid hotel, all of which drained him of a sense of style for his staff. FACT.

Fact: Wynn pool was visitied
Pieces of memory:
Large beaded necklaces were very popular. Scant clothing optional. Drunken fools everywhere.

Fact: Club XS, Saturday night
Blurry memory:
No one fell in the pool, but many shots were taken and mostly out of a shot glass around someones neck. It lit up. Like flies the light...

Fact: Cathouse
False sense of reality:
great bathrooms. amazing shoes. bad cocktails.

English people love the sun. Not the humidity

True story... The English are coming, the English are coming! They have arrived and spoken. Sun it is. As I lay on a blanket in the grassy knoll, I watch the sun bunnies soak it in. As you might not know, it apprentley only ever rains in England and other than the dewy pure skin, it leaves much to be desired. All that rain does allow a few great things to come, one being fabulous and tasty beer.

So, what's my secret to success you ask? Sun bunny visits! Its been a long time coming and had I know I would have presented a reason much sooner.

There is a lot of chillaxing and many people in my humble abode, but its great times all the way...

Funny story number 1. Target. They do not have Target over the pond and it is the new favorite place to be. Caffine fix, check, cart full of running shorts, check, wandering aimlessly about the aisels, check. We have been every day and will be going to visit and keep my local Target in business this week. You are welcome. I accept coupons and free delish coffee...

Lets review:
England does not have the following: sunny days and Target
England DOES have tasteeee beer!

Waldwick police and fire sirens never stop

Every day at work I listen to the police and fire trucks sirens. This town has a population of just under 10,000. I do not believe that there are that many emergencies each and every day that require blaring sirens each and every time. It is just not possible! I live in a town with a very similar population and there is not this much action in my town. I would like to request that the sirens be kept at a bare minimum. It is ludacris to disrupt me on such a regular basis. Enough already!

=80-40+2-20

I must attract idiots. They surround me. I feel suffocated by them. I am very logical person. Granted I tend to fly off the handle at times, all in all I am logical.

A friend of mine is 'dating' someone 14 years younger than he is. Good for him? Maybe. She is an idiot, At least she has an excuse, she is 22. She doesn't know any better. At 22 I thought I knew everything, didn't we all? I will repeat, she is an idiot!

Because technology has changed the way we communicate with one another and those under the age of 26 seem to only be able to express themselves in a text or a bbm. They facebook about their actual true lives and wonder why those reading it are in complete dismay and worried about the future of our country...

Back to the idiot. The amount of text messages he gets from her is in the triple digits, daily. I cannot comprehend what someone needs to say all day long, every day. The messaging has become so obsessive that he barely answers the phone for anyone else.

I do not question why he puts up with this strange and compulsive behavior. I just do not want to hear about it. Every time we are all hanging out, his phone compulsively goes off.

I really do worry about the state of the world. I guess we all need idiots in our lives to make us realize how sane we are. Well, how sane we are most of the time.

Friend Imposter

I haven't written in ages, so I am sorry! I will make a concious effort to be more diligent about my ranting and raving on this website. Being that I have many things to say about many subjects, lets get started....

The "Friend Imposter"

Many claim to be a friend, but how can you tell the imposters apart from the true blues? I have just started to realize who is real and who is the imposter. The imposters are the ones who say, 'let me know if you need help' and then when you actually do, they are no where to be found. Or they are the ones who say, I don't really know whats going on in your life, because they never let you get a word in edgewise....

I have a shit ton of these people around me and I enjoy it. It gives me something to laugh about when I am feeling blue.

Recently I discovered that an imposter was not able to keep secrets. I had told her something in confidence and she immediately blurted it out. Now thank goodness this was work related and she convienantly didnt work in the same location as me, so it didnt affect me. However, she has been moved the D list. I will not speak to that imposter again!

Ive spent way too many words on this subject. On to the next!